Domestic Violence Awareness Month
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It was first observed in 1981 as a national day of unity to connect advocates in their efforts to end domestic abuse. More than 10 million Americans are abused by an intimate partner every year and women are more than twice as likely as men to be targeted.
The most common kind of physical injuries that occur are bruises, scrapes and cuts. If you have been slapped, shoved, punched, kicked, pushed, or choked, then your spouse is very dangerous and you must get out of your situation as soon as possible. Others may be aware of your situation because they have seen bruises or wounds on your body, or your spouse may be deliberately hurting you in ways that enable them to avoid detection. They may be physically intimidating, shoving you or grabbing things out of your hand, or standing too close to you in a threatening manner while screaming and spitting in your face.
The presence of a gun in the home increases the risk of homicide by 500%.
There have been 477 gun related domestic violence fatalities this year.[1]If you are married to someone who has been physically abusive in the past, you need to accept that filing for divorce is going to make him or her prone to escalating the violence. If you are being physically abused, you are in danger and must leave as soon as possible. Whatever else you do, remember not to leave the children alone with your spouse.
Domestic abuse comes in different forms and may include or escalate to physical abuse, but not always. It is important to know that all of them are damaging to your self-esteem and can cause trauma, physical illness, and depression. Name-calling, put downs, blaming, cruelty, hypercriticism, control, isolating you from friends or family members, financial abuse such as limiting access to money, discounting your needs and feelings, passive aggressive behavior including the silent treatment, invading personal privacy, abuse on social media, threats, stalking, and other forms of abuse are common.
Abuse victims may also be subjected to gaslighting, a destabilizing form of psychological abuse used frequently by narcissists. The abuser asserts that what is false is true or what is true is false to make their victim doubt their own memory and even their sanity. The abuser may deny that an abusive incident ever happened, or claim that something else happened when it really didn’t. Events are embellished or facts taken out to put the abuser in the best possible light. The abuser lies to manipulate their victim and disorient them.
Many victims of domestic abuse develop mental health issues as a result of the stress and trauma they are experiencing. They are at higher risk of developing eating disorders, chronic anxiety and depression, gynecological problems, and other physical and emotional problems, as well as drug and alcohol addiction. If you are being abused, whether physically or verbally, your body and mind are in distress. Prolonged exposure to fear and violence is linked to a weakened immune response, premature aging, and learned helplessness, a state of mind in which you think that everything is so dire that there is nothing you can do but give up and remain a victim, feeling trapped and hopeless. Symptoms of chronic domestic abuse include fatigue, sleeplessness, nightmares, anxiety, jumpiness, isolation, and depression.
Please see my article, How to Maintain & Heal Your Mental Health During an Abusive Divorce for helpful, therapeutic ways to improve your mental health and well-being during and after a highly stressful and traumatic divorce. For additional free resources to help you leave your husband strategically, please visit our resources hub. Plan, prepare, and protect yourself and your children.
Almost three out of every four Americans know someone personally who is or was a victim of domestic abuse. It affects people regardless of their race, religion, or socioeconomic class. About 20,000 calls are placed each and every day to domestic violence hotlines. [2] If you need to talk to someone about domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. The call is anonymous and confidential help is available to you 24/7.
You are not alone. Get the help you need. Call the hotline.
[1] [2] www.ncadv.org/statistics
Rosemary Lombardy is a financial advisor with over 35 years of experience, and the founder of Breaking Bonds, a comprehensive resource platform for abused women. Although her professional expertise is in financial matters, her perspective on marital abuse, divorce, and recovery is deeply heartfelt and holistic. She draws on decades of personal experience, as well as the experiences of others, to help inform abused spouses so that they will become empowered to leave their abusers and begin to heal.
Rosemary Lombardy's award-winning new book, Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal - A Survival Guide is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and anywhere that sells books.
For updates and features, connect with Rosemary Lombardy on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.