Christmas for the Abused Woman

It is not possible to be full of joy and good cheer during this holiday season while you are being abused. The added stress of the pandemic has only made things worse. Abuse likely has intensified while you have been stuck indoors with your abuser in close proximity, becoming unbearable and possibly dangerous. Do whatever you can to decrease tensions in the home and stay safe. Christmas this year may be tougher than most, but let your faith keep hope alive for you. This dark period and the pandemic will soon end. A better life awaits you.

 Remember that all things are possible with God, who loves us unconditionally. The meaning of Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus the Redeemer who died for us and was resurrected three days later as Christ and Lord. The Son of God is born to redeem humanity from our sins and restore us to right relationship with God. Jesus is the way to our salvation and eternal life. The Good News is the message of salvation through faith as found in the Gospels.

 The Christmas tree is a symbol of everlasting life with God. Being triangular in shape, it represents the trinity. It is also a symbol of Christ and new life. That is why people started bringing the tree into the house during the Christmas season. Evergreens, such as spruce, pine, or fir, symbolize eternal life as they do not completely lose their “leaves” all at once.

 Christmas also allows us to reflect on our lives, celebrate family and friends, and to be generous with and appreciative of others. It is a time for reflection on the past year and for gratitude for our many blessings. Be grateful for your life, your health, your children and other family members, your friends and colleagues, your country, and the beautiful planet we live on.  All of it is a miracle.

 Practice self-care by getting enough exercise and rest, eating sensibly, staying hydrated, and by taking time for yourself.  A bubble bath, meditation, calming music, aromatherapy, or a good book for just twenty minutes daily will rejuvenate you.

 If you have children, it will be important for you to stay strong and positive so that you are able to give them the best holiday season possible. Some ideas you may want to consider doing with them are a Christmas movie marathon, an ugly sweater and hot cocoa day, a virtual holiday party, Christmas puzzles or card games, volunteering at a soup kitchen, and baking Christmas cookies.

 You will need to take action at the appropriate time to create a new and better life for yourself and for your children, so make preparations to leave and protect yourself and your children. Taking this step will help empower you to take back control of your life. Next year will be a much better one once you accept responsibility for your own happiness. If you or your children are in imminent danger, you must leave right now and take them with you. For free resources if you need to take action immediately, see Breaking Bonds Resources.

 In the meantime, steer clear of confrontations that may escalate into physical abuse. It is more important for you to avoid danger than to engage in unproductive arguments. Do your best to ignore criticism, irritations, and insults. Stay in the same room with your abuser as little as possible. Speak infrequently and calmly. Disengage emotionally, and become noncommittal, uninteresting, and unresponsive. Don’t be reactive or say everything that you think, as it is not prudent to confide in someone who is dangerous. He will eventually lose interest and become bored if you don’t take the bait.

 Faith in God and in your own abilities will help you get through this difficult time in your life.  You are stronger than you think you are. Free resources are available and good people want to help you.

 “Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God is with us.”

--Matthew 1:23

  God is with you. We are with you. 

 For more information and guidance on how to exit and recover from a toxic relationship, Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal provides you with the knowledge to leave your abuser safely and strategically.

God bless and protect you and your family.

 For more information, insight, and actionable guidance on how to navigate, recover, and heal from an abusive divorce, our award-winning self-help book, Breaking Bonds: How To Divorce an Abuser & Heal provides you with the knowledge to leave your abuser safely and strategically. We are with you.

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Rosemary Lombardy is a financial advisor with over 35 years of experience, and the founder of Breaking Bonds, a comprehensive resource platform for abused women. Although her professional expertise is in financial matters, her perspective on marital abuse, divorce, and recovery is deeply heartfelt and holistic. She draws on decades of personal experience, as well as the experiences of others, to help inform abused spouses so that they will become empowered to leave their abusers and begin to heal. 

Rosemary Lombardy's award-winning new book, Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal - A Survival Guide is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and anywhere that sells books. 

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