Easter for the Abused Woman
Having to deal with an abusive partner is extremely difficult. Abuse may intensify during holiday season, so it will be important for you to do whatever you can to decrease tensions and stay safe. It is unlikely that you will be able to enjoy Easter this year, but let your faith keep hope alive for you during this dark period. Know that your deliverance from abuse is near at hand, and a better life awaits you.
On Good Friday, we commemorate that Jesus redeemed humanity from our sins when he died on the cross at Calvary. Easter Sunday, the most important and oldest festival in the Christian church, celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Son of God has conquered death. The Messiah restored us to right relationship with God with the sacrifice of his blood. He recovered our salvation and offers us eternal life.
Christ is the Redeemer, who delivers us from sin. We are saved by grace through faith alone, and not through our own actions or deeds. The Good News is the message of salvation through faith as found in the Gospels. We are justified by the redemptive sacrifice of the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, and are empowered by the Holy Spirit to reject and overcome sin. We humbly acknowledge that we cannot do this on our own. We love God first and we love others as we love ourselves. Our good works glorify God. When we make mistakes, we feel remorse and make amends. We resolve not to repeat sins and errors. We ask for forgiveness, we forgive others, and we forgive ourselves. We accept our human frailties and do the best we can. We keep faith in difficult times and pray for guidance.
The word “redeem” means to recover something that was lost or to free from what causes distress or harm. Redemption always requires a payment or sacrifice. There is a price you must be willing to pay to protect yourself and your children from further abuse. You must be willing to let go of what has become familiar and miserable. This may mean a period of economic uncertainty. There is also the likelihood that there will be an increase in abusive behavior as soon as your partner becomes aware that they are losing control over you. It is impossible to be the best version of yourself and to live the life you were meant to have while you are being abused. You have a fundamental right to pursue joy and live life in a way that makes you happy. Make the decision that your life and happiness matters and prepare a safe exit strategy.
Do your best to avoid having alcohol or controlled substances in the home. They decrease inhibitions and may cause you to be incautious or your partner to become physically abusive. During this difficult time, it is crucial for your own safety that you steer clear of confrontations that may further agitate your abuser. Stress and fear levels are extremely high, and it is more important for you to avoid danger than to engage in unproductive arguments. As distasteful as it may be, ignore criticisms, irritations, and insults. Try to accommodate your abuser and disengage emotionally. Become noncommittal, uninteresting, and unresponsive.
If you must respond, say, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Or “It is understandable that you think that.” Don’t elaborate further. You don’t have to disclose everything you think. It is not prudent to confide in a dangerous person. Your abuser may eventually lose interest and become bored if you don’t take the bait. Spend as little time as you can in the same room with him or her. When that is unavoidable, speak infrequently and calmly. Go for a walk, spend time with your children, take a bubble bath, and read good books.
The Resurrection means that we will be brought back to life again. You must prepare to leave, protect yourself and your children, and act at the appropriate time to create a new and better life for yourself and for your children. Take responsibility for your happiness and let go of suffering, as that is not God’s plan for you. Life is short, precious, and unpredictable.
If you are in imminent danger, you must leave right now and take the children with you. For free resources if you need to take action immediately, please see https://breakingbonds.com/resources-all.
The opposite of redemption is loss, deprivation, abandonment, or forfeiture. Remaining in an unbearable situation and tolerating the intolerable indefinitely is to abandon hope and forfeit your own life. Faith in God and in your own abilities will help you get through this difficult period in your life. Resources are available and people want to help you.
We are all connected to and depend on each other for our very survival, meaning, and happiness. Take time to reflect on the values that have the most significant meaning for you. You have an important role to play in shaping the future for all of us, whether it is as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, or neighbor. The Creator put you here for an important reason, so let that give you strength and purpose.
Know that you are not alone and you are not the only one who has difficulties. It is impossible to know what another person is going through just through casual conversation. I have a wonderful doctor who has a loving husband and a thriving medical practice. She has been given many blessings in her life. I did not know for years that she had lost her son unexpectedly when he was very young. The grief she suffered must have been unbearable, yet she carries herself and that weight with grace and faith. She knows that she is not the only person to suffer devastating loss and takes great comfort in her belief that she will see her son again. In the meantime, she has been and will continue to be a great blessing to her patients, family, and community.
Cast your burden upon the Lord and he will sustain you.
—Psalm 55:22
God bless and protect you and your family, now and forever. Amen.
Rosemary Lombardy is a financial advisor with over 35 years of experience, and the founder of Breaking Bonds, a comprehensive resource platform for abused women. Although her professional expertise is in financial matters, her perspective on marital abuse, divorce, and recovery is deeply heartfelt and holistic. She draws on decades of personal experience, as well as the experiences of others, to help inform abused spouses so that they will become empowered to leave their abusers and begin to heal.
Rosemary Lombardy's award-winning book, Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal - A Survival Guide is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and anywhere that sells books.
For updates and features, connect with Rosemary Lombardy on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
