Addiction, Domestic Abuse, and Forgiveness

Addictions are a form of self-medication through a compulsive coping mechanism to deal with a life that has become unbearable and out of control. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, gambling, sex, work, or even exercise, any activity that is carried to extremes is a way to avoid dealing with the personal pain of trauma, problems, relationships, or personal flaws that appear to be too difficult to face head on. Here are ways in which forgiveness - of yourself and others - can help you recover and heal.

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C.C. Webster
Thanksgiving Day for the Abused Woman

Holidays can be a depressing and stressful time of year due to unrealistic expectations, too many or too few commitments, difficult family relationships, or money troubles. Domestic abuse can intensify during these occasions because of increased stress or a reduction in inhibitions as a result of excessive drinking or drug abuse.  Here are a few strategies to help you manage - and enjoy - this Thanksgiving holiday.

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C.C. Webster
How to Minimize Stress & Fear During Your Divorce

As many abusers tend to escalate their aggression and threats once they become aware that they have lost control of their victim with a divorce filing, it is imperative that you take appropriate steps to avoid conflict and reduce the level of stress and fear you are experiencing.

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C.C. Webster
Labor Day for the Abused Woman

Labor Day is a celebrated American holiday that gives credit for our country’s high standard of living, strong work ethic, ingenuity, and productivity. We pay tribute on this day to our ideals of free enterprise, democracy, and fair protections in the workplace. As an abused woman or spouse, these ideals and this tribute are not always present in the home. Here are critical steps to take them back.

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C.C. Webster
Harness Your Anger to Persevere

Your feelings can enable you to make needed changes if you pay attention to them. Anger is a sign that something is very wrong and needs correction. Use your anger to give you the courage and determination to stand up for yourself in a constructive manner. I am not talking about taking reactive, vindictive, or retaliatory actions. Those types of responses could be dangerous for you if your husband is a violent person. Rather, your anger can be a catalyst for you to take appropriate actions to protect and defend yourself and your children.

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Rosemary Lombardy
Mother's Day for the Abused Woman

One of the most vivid experiences that I have ever had was giving birth to my first child, who was born eight weeks early and weighed only five pounds. He was so tiny and fragile looking that I cried when I first saw him.

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C.C. Webster
Top 10 Things To Do To Avoid Financial Abuse During Divorce

New Interview - Now Available! Breaking Bonds was recently interviewed by Tracy Malone of Narcissist Abuse Support to share critical insights on the topic of financial protection during divorce. Check out the interview on Tracy's 'Narcissist Abuse Support' podcast to learn our key insights, tools, and strategies on how to stay financially safe during your divorce. 

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C.C. Webster
Manage the Stress of Abuse and Divorce

There is no way to completely eliminate the stress of dealing with your abuser during this difficult time; however, there are many coping tools you can use to reduce it so that you can function effectively and take care of your children, your job, and yourself. Try to remember that this stressful conflict is not going to last forever and that you are in the home stretch to achieving your freedom and a path to happiness, something that would not have been possible if you had chosen to stay in this toxic relationship.

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Rosemary Lombardy
International Women's Day for the Abused Woman

International Women’s Day, observed since the early 1900s, is celebrated around the world on March 8. On this day we honor the cultural, economic, and political achievements of women as well as advocate for equal rights and opportunities for women. It is important for us to remember that each and every one of us has value and makes important contributions, including homemakers. Who are you celebrating?

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C.C. Webster
Valentine's Day for the Abused Woman

Valentine’s Day is a painful reminder for the abused woman that she is being mistreated and disrespected by the father of her children and the one person who is supposed to love and cherish her more than anyone else. All holidays are very difficult when she is in an abusive relationship, but Valentine’s Day can be keenly felt as one of the most somber days of the year.

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Rosemary Lombardy
New Years Resolutions for the Abused Woman

The holidays can be especially difficult because your home life is unhappy. It is not unusual for abuse to escalate at this time of year. Do the best you can and try to remember the challenges you face are not insurmountable, even if it seems that way at times.

Brighter days are ahead of you if you commit to take action in the New Year. Here’s a list of some of the resolutions that I made when I faced a very acrimonious divorce. I hope this gives you some helpful ideas. Make your own list. You deserve to be happy.

 

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Rosemary Lombardy
Therapy for Stress and Healing

If you are abused, whether physically or verbally, your body is in distress. Constant exposure to fear and violence is linked to a weakened immune response, premature aging, and learned helplessness, a state of mind in which you think that everything is so bad that there is nothing you can do but give up and remain a victim, feeling trapped and hopeless.

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C.C. Webster
Custody and Child Support

Take the children with you if you decide to leave your home or you could lose custody of them to your husband. The court may consider your leaving them behind to be abandonment, a sign that you are an unfit mother willing to leave them in danger. Or it may assume that you are lying about the domestic abuse. Your children are not safe in your husband’s care, so you shouldn’t ever leave them with him. Period.

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C.C. Webster
Working With Your Financial Advisor

If you and your husband have investment accounts, enlist a financial advisor of your own to help you in determining which securities to ask for in the settlement. To make sure that the advice you get is in your best interest, do not use the same person your husband uses.

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C.C. Webster
Understand the Legal Process

What you need to know about the legal process of filing for divorce. Your lawyer will file a petition or application for divorce, on your hehalf, which lists what you are asking for as the petitioner, or plaintiff, and explains the reasons for the divorce. Your spouse will have an opportunity to respond by having his lawyer file an answer or schedule an appearance. The paperwork can be served to you by a process server or by the opposing attorney.

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C.C. Webster
Filing for a Restraining Order

Even if your husband has not been physically violent up to this point, if he has been verbally or emotionally abusive I recommend that you obtain a protective order before you inform him of your plan to divorce him. Here is some insight into how to file and what to expect.

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C.C. Webster
What to Bring for the Lawyer

When you first meet with the attorney, bring a brief background of your marriage and family life with you. Include the names, birth dates, and social security numbers of all family members, the date of your marriage, whether any of your children are from a previous marriage, or if any prior marriage ended amicably. Here is a list of things you will need to know when gathering your financial information

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C.C. Webster
How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer

Insight into finding the best divorce lawyer for you, and tips on how to prepare for your first meeting. Please consider taking the time to interview more than one lawyer to make sure that you are hiring the right person. You will have to work with that person for a long time, maybe a year or longer. Trust your gut in making your decision. If the lawyer you meet seems to be a poor listener, keep looking.

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C.C. Webster